so...now the next step.

it seems it has been a little bit since i have written, so i will give a little update.

almost 2 weeks ago, i found out the results of my genetic testing. i learned that i do in fact have a mutation on one of the known breast cancer genes. this increases my risk of the breast cancer returning as well as potentially developing ovarian cancer. on some level, i guess that i knew the results even before i saw them on paper...that is just the way all this has gone since the beginning.

the next big question then, do i have surgery now, or wait until after my chemotherapy. i had decided even before the results were back that if they were positive, i would have a double mastectomy and reconstuction to reduce my risk, at least as much as possible, of having to go through all this again. besides, i still feel as if i am called to the mission field. this is not something i want to have to worry about or even think a lot about while potentially overseas somewhere in the future. God has blessed me with so much now, including good health insurance and an income that will allow me to take care of things now. as much as more surgery scares me, i have peace about this decision, and will proceed when appropriate.

at my appointment with the oncologist the next day, it was decided that chemo would be done first, and surgery would wait until after all drug treatment was completed, almost a year and a half from now. in some ways, i would rather have surgery. being told i would start chemo in 2 weeks made this all too real.

as each day has passed, i have gotten more and more anxious and honestly scared about starting chemo. now i start in 2 days...on friday september 2nd. i am terrified of being sick. potentially having uncontrollable nausea/vomiting is not something most people ever want to experience, but it absolutely terrifies me. i know most of this is in my head...i have an unnatural fear of vomiting, almost paralyzing in fact.

i was talking with a colleague yesterday that has another friend who was also diagnosed with breast cancer around the same time i was. her friend just started chemo last week. i asked my friend how her other friend was doing. appearently she was not tolerating it so well and had been puking her guts out for the last 5 days. not exactly something i wanted to hear, but hey, better to be prepared, right?

i have no idea what will happen. i am praying for minimal, or at least managable nausea. i talked to my oncologist about my concern in my very first meeting with him. he said he would throw the book at me with every drug possible if necessary, and i thought that sounded like a great idea.

another thing that i been forced to think about is the fact that i will more than likely loose my hair. i actually went wig shopping last week, and let me tell you, it was weird. i even tried on a few of them. i am amazed with all the options they have. they even have detachable bangs that you can velcro into your hat, or even a ring of hair you can put on under your hat so you don't have to wear a full wig and overheat, especially out here in sunny phoenix.

one of the funniest things i have heard during this process, i asked my insurance company about paying for the wigs....they do, but i will need to get a prescription from my doctor.....for a cranial prosthesis.... i almost died laughing....i am not getting a head transplant. but oh well...wonder if i can get a new brain while i am at it... :0

anyway, i am reading a book on suffering that a friend of the family gave me. it is actually pretty good...it is making me think a lot. i will write more about that later....but suffering is a GIFT. interesting concept, and not what people normally think, but i agree.

i'll write more after i experience my first round of "poison".

in HIM

anne